I Can't Stand the Way the World Feels
by medium.cool
Summary: Takes place right after Zach returns from Italy. This is Seth dealing with his insecurities about his relationship with Summer. Slightly AU. SethSummer.
1. Chapter 1

I Can't Stand the Way the World Feels

Takes place right after Zach returns from Italy. This is Seth dealing with his insecurities about his relationship with Summer. Slightly AU. Seth/Summer. The title of this story is taken from the Armor for Sleep song Walking at Night, Alone.

Disclaimer: I do not own or mean any infringement on the O.C. and its characters. It does not belong to me.

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Seth ambled down the busy hallway of Harbor it was early still and he was still feeling the late night effects of playing that one last Playstation2 game with Ryan. Frankly, he was feeling quite tired and was ready to go home and chill. Then the Zachbot appeared. Seth felt the cold feeling in his stomach suddenly grip him and showed no signs of letting go.

"Um…Hey Zach," Seth managed to choke out. _Great this is not awkward at all. I mean why should it be, I mean Summer only left him at the airport in front of his family for me. _

"Hey man," The Zachbot managed to sound very enthused as his slapped Seth's hand in a friendly greeting.

"How was Italy? I never thought you were gonna come back man." A smiled lingered on his lips as he thought how amusing it was that unlike Anna, Luke and Lindsey, the Zachbot was returning to Newport after leaving.

After he actually listened to all the details of Zach's great trip and his hot new girlfriend Francesca, Seth escaped to class. _Whew that was weird...something is defintely odd about the Zachbot, he seemed almost too happy. Oh well._Seth sighed as he headed out to lunch. He wondered if Summer knew that Zach was back. A silent fear crept inside him that she might leave him. He tried despartely to push this negavtive thoughts away. _I mean it was hard to compete with the guy, he was the WASP version of himself, only more secure, confident and did he mention perfect. As far as he knew the Zachbot never messed up. He always said the right thing. It did not make sense how a guy could be so perfect. _

"Earth to Cohen!" The sharpness of the words cut him out of his daydream as he was brought back to reality. "Is theres something in my teeth than why are you staring?"

"Um...hey my dearest Summer," he replied in greeting. "Hey Ryan...Marissa."

"What's up?" Ryan said in his typical what is best said is said in the fewest words act.

"Not too much, except I just ran into Zach in the hallway. He was looking very robust, he hair even looked shiner and even more floppy if that was possible..." Seth rambled on, all the while nervously wringing his hands. He glanced over to Summer to see her reaction to the news. She wasn't looking at him and he did not know if that was a good sign or a bad sign.

"So...Zach is back, did he say anything about how his trip was Cohen?" Summer looked at him finally and he was not sure what she was fishing for or how he should answer.

"He said that it was great. The best vacation of his life, in fact he said that he had an incredible awesome good time, " Seth replied cautiously.

"Oh," was all Summer said and a Seth was not sure but he could swear that he saw a small frown cross her face. He felt that feeling in his stomach become stronger. Seth gulped nervously as he attempted a weak smile. No one seemed to notice the awkwardness let alone his rather quiet demeanor.

"Coop, you want to come to the bathroom with me?" Summer asked but proceeded to grab Marissa's elbow and drag her from the table and from staring into Ryan's eyes. "Um...sure Sum." Marissa said slowly, but shrugged her shoulders at Seth's and Ryan's questioning looks.

"Soo...Summer, what is up with you, dragging me to the bathroom," Marissa questioned as she tucked her hair behind her ear. "I mean you have been acting kinda weird ever since...well like now."

"I know Coop," Summer sighed as she gave Marissa her best forgive me smile. "It is just now that Zach is back, things are gonna be like 10 times the degrees of awkwardness than it was before I left him at the airport with his family. I...don't like know what to do. I think I am gonna have one of those...panic attacks. OH MY GOSH I can't breathe. I CAN'T BREATHE!.

"Summer, SUMMER! Calm down. Deep breathes. I am sure it is gonna be fine," Marissa said, as she tried her best to console her antsy best friend. "I mean you might not even have to talk to him. Harbor is a big enough school, maybe you won't run into him until tomorrow or something, you know then you can be prepared to talk to him."

"Hm...I like that way of thinking Cooper." Summer pursed her lips together, and grinned. "Okay, let's go find those boys. I am starving, I didn't finish my lunch yet."

Meanwhile...

"I wonder what is taking them so long...I mean seriously, how long does it take a girl to pee," Seth wondered as he tried to act nonchalant about the wearabouts of his girlfriend and his brother's sorta girlfriend.

"Dude, I am sure it is gonna be fine," Ryan finally replied.

"What do you mean it is gonna be fine, there is no problem here, I mean why would there be a problem. Summer's perfect non-Jewish, son of a congresssman, captain of the water polo team ex-boyfriend," Seth droned on.." Did I mention that he is into comic books!"

"Bro, you're doing it again..."Ryan warningly. 

"Doing what?" Seth said in his best innocent voice.

"Hey Cohen, Ryan." An all too familiar and excited voice suddenly announced.

"Um...hey Zach," squeaked out Seth. As Ryan just nodded his head in lieu of proper greeting. Seth squirmed in his chair, knowing all too well that the girls were due back any second.

_AN: Okay so that was pretty short, sorry. I've never written anything like this before, so sorry if it is just really bland and boring. But hey, I was looking for a story like this and since I could not find one, I decided to write one on my own. But if you guys do not think the idea is worth continuing then hey no hard feelings. So leave a review that would be just neat. Um...okay that's all. I apologize for any errors in spelling or any typos, I tried to catch them all.  
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	2. Chapter 2

_AN: Thanks to those who reviewed. I am not so sure how this is gonna turn out yet, I have not planned it out in advance. No worries though I am a fan of happy endings, after all this is fiction.

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"So...look this is me and this giant mound of dirt is actually a sacred burial plot for an ancient nomadic people," the Zachbot smiled his biggest grin as he showed Ryan and Seth the photo.

"Who would have thought that a mound of dirt could be so significant," Seth mumbled.

"Yeah, man I know, to the unknowing eye you would never look at it twice but this is history!" Zach ruffled though his pile and found a new picture, "Look at this sky isn't it beautiful, being out there you really got to think. And you know I feel like I am just on a whole different wavelength than I was before I left. It's just like the world makes...sense."

"Um..that is just awesome dude," Seth said a slight smirk playing on his face. "I mean I am glad, you have come to um...grips with reality now."

"Yeah thanks a lot Cohen, I am glad we can be friends now you don't think this is awkward now do you?" Zach glanced at Seth with a questioning look in his brown eyes.

"No man, why would it be awkward. It is not awkward, who would have ever thought of the word awkward...Summer, glad to see that you made it back from the bathroom okay. I am glad that you brought Marissa with you, I mean Ryan here was looking all broody and his stare was starting to get to me. I think it really could be bad for the soul, somehow it would be deemed possible that too much staring can cause some sort of like heart problem. I don't know don't you think so too Ryan?" Seth jumbled out his words in one breathe. "Ryan...?"

"Um...Seth...you are doing it again bro," Ryan said as he arched an eyebrow at him.

Zach looked at Summer who seemed to be engrossed in looking at her fingernails. It could be hard but at the same time possible that there was a flaw in her polish. A silence that made Seth feel like he was slowly dying surrounded the lunch table.

"So...what now?" Zach breathed out, looking from Seth to Ryan, and then finally at Marissa and Summer.

_AN: Sorry for the real shortness of this chapter, I don't have time right now to update a bunch. Maybe I can later tonight._ _Hope that will be enough for now. Please keep reading and reviewing. Neato. _


	3. Chapter 3

_AN: I apologize for being really dumb but I forgot to replace the uploaded document with the actual story. My bad, but I was sorta in a rush cause I wrote the second chapter before I went to work. So I don't know when this one will appear but I am writting it now anyways._

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Seth was never one good with silence. In fact sitting there at the lunch table with the others who refused to utter a word seemed to make everything 10 times worse. Seth didn't know what to say but he knew he HAD to say something, and quick. 

"Zach has a new girlfriend he met in Italy who is super hot and tall and he is really into her..." Seth weezed out in one long breathe. _So there it was out there in the open for all to know. I know I should have taken the high road even though Zach never told me to keep it a secret. I mean knowledge should be make public right? Knowledge is power! Haha...okay so maybe that was a still a stupid fucking idea to say that._

Without having to look, Seth could feel the razor sharp glares of Ryan and the Zachbot. His Adam's apple bobbed nervously as he swallowed. _So that was bad, yup that was defintely a stupid fucking idea._

"Um...thanks for sharing that info Cohen, so Summer I didn't want you to know cause I mean I want us to still be friends." Zach said an apologetic tone, glancing over at Seth before looking back at her.

"It's okay Zach, I want us to ALL be able to be friends too," Summer said has she smiled sweetly at him.

"Yeah, us all being friends is a great idea!" Seth quiped. "I think that we will be able to forge ahead with a great new future ahead of us..."

"Cohen! Just shut up, I think you have done enough talking for today," the words hinted on the threat of a rage blackout, therefore Seth clammed up.

"As much fun as this lunch as been, I have to go to physics now," announced Ryan as he stood up grabbing his tray and his messenger bag with his other hand.

"Yeah...that sounds like a great idea," Marissa agreed. The others gave her confused looks since she doesn't take physics. "I mean, it's a good idea to um...go to class, cause you wouldn't want to miss the important information the teachers will be sharing with you...um..okay bye!

The same awkwards that was there before now seemed to worsen as Seth was left at the table with just Zach and Summer. He cleared his throat nervously before opening his mouth before quickly shutting it again. He remembered how close Summer was to a rage blackout and he did not want to be at the blunt end of another episode.

" You have pictures don't you Zach," Summer finally said looking over at her ex-boyfriend. "I would love to see them!"

"Yeah, I took some awesome nature pictures," Zach beamed as he ran a hand through his silky hair, in a model like fashion.

"Great let's go to the student lounge and you can show me," Summer smiled as she rose from her seat.

_Shit! Shit! Shit! What the hell is Summer doing? _Seth felt the panic come back full blown now, as he watched Summer start to leave with Zach. "I'll cya later Summer," he called out to her retreating figure. _At least her retreating figure was a dare he say perfect, man he could stare at that ass all day. Wait why I am thinking about this when she is walking away from me?I hoped I did not sound too pathetic. Wait, I don't think that would be more possible since I already pathetic. _

Summer paused as she turned around halfway, and looked at him. "Hey Cohen, I'll talk to you later, k?" Seth could not read her eyes or tell by her tone of voice if she was being nice or being sweet so that she could later take it all out on him. He smiled back weakly before slumping back down in his seat. He rubbed his temple carefully as he sighed deeply. _Why the fuck do girls have to be so confusing? Maybe my life was better before I had girl problems. A pause, than the memory of Summer's ass and Summer's...oh nevermind, life was defintely a lot better with girls. _

_AN: Okay so that is the third chapter. I hope you like it. Please keep reading and reviewing. I really appreciate everything you leave. Also sorry for my technology dumbness, I think I got the hang of it now. And don't worry I will not reunite the Zachbot and Summer, ick, I would even fall asleep writing that. _


	4. Chapter 4

_AN: Okay, I have some time right now to update. Sorry if you think my chapters are too short but I think I will be having more time to write now. I think it helps too that you people seem interested in writing it. Since,Ellynbaby, gave me the bright idea to write some Summer angst, part of this chapter is gonna be in her point of view-ish. Enjoy!_

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I felt kinda bad as I walked away from the table. I could tell that Cohen was upset by the way he slumped back into his chair. And I don't think I mistaken but his voice sounded a bit desparate. Awww...poor guy. I know you don't have to tell me, I am being a bitch alright? I know okay, I know. It's just..._

Summer was broken out of her train of thought as Zach nudged her towards one of the brown leather couches in the student disunion. "Hey, let's sit over there," Zach requested as he put a hand on her back to guide her to their seat. Summer felt herself tense up at the touch of Zach's hand.

"Is something wrong?" He questioned as he felt her back go rigid.

"Yeah, I mean, I don't want to sound like a bitch or anything but could you like remove your hand from my back, it's making me feel...well it might make things awkward ya know? I don't want this to be awkward. Between any of us, k?" Summer looked into his eyes pleading for him to just not push the issue further.

"Alright," and Zach showing his beautiful smile. "No worries, I understand." _Of course he fucking understands. Grrr...damnit why does he have to be so perfect..._

Summer was again reminded why she had broken up with him, why they would never work as a couple. Yeah, Zach he was just too...good to be true. "So, let's see those pictures..."

_ insert a break yo>_

"Ryan, bro I just didn't think she was back to being like that, ya know?" Seth sighed as he fell backwards onto the poolhouse bed. "I thought she was sorta past the Ice Queen Bitch role, she is suppose to be the new and improved Little Miss Vixen."

"Well, maybe you should talk to her about it?" Ryan said offering his frustrating advice.

"Now, see dude that would just be too simple, wouldn't it? I mean just to go call her up and be 'hey Summer, we need to talk?' Yeah that would go over really well. Oh hell, where is that phone?"

"Here man," Ryan replied as he tossed Seth the cordless.

"Summer, hey so like I was thinking, you know cause thinking is a wonderful thing and you know, maybe we should talk about well, you know boyfriend girlfriend stuff, cause last time I checked that was what we were you know boyfriend and girlfriend." Seth allowed one breathe before continuing. "So yeah you want to meet at the Crabshack in say 30 yeah I mean that sounds great yeah alrighty bye."

"Whew." Seth let out a huge sigh of relief as he hung up the phone.

"It was not so bad was it?" Ryan said with a smirk.

His only response was a pillow thrown at his head.

_ yeah one here too>_

Summer checked her reflection in the mirror again. _Okay so hair was flawless, like duh. Nails, check, outfit again check. Okay this really should not be so hard, I mean I don't know. _

Summer grabbed her keys to her silver Mercedes and headed down to the pier.

The door swung open as Summer strode through the door and surveyed the tables looking for a scrawny boy with wavy hair. (_AN: I personally think that Adam Brody's hair is much more wave than curl especially when it is short.) _Finally she spotted him and made her way over to the booth. Sliding in carefully so not to upset her clothing she finally came to a halt a safe space from the previous occupant.

"So you wanted to talk Cohen?" She said as she judged her nails pretending to be bored.

"Yeah, actually I was just um...hoping you had a good day at school. Ya know, since I did not get to talk to you much at lunch cause you kinda like left earlier than I was expecting and all..." Seth said has he raced for the easiest excuse.

"Oh yeah, well my day was just like any other day. Ya know school, home, um...and now you, Cohen."

At the end of her sentence with the mention of his name his face instantly lit back up and he grinned. "So me, I am like this important part to your day?"

"Don't push it Cohen." Summer narrowed her eyes at him while she fought back a smile.


	5. Chapter 5

_AN: Sorry for the delay, I will try to be better with updating, but I've been having some mind blanks. _

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Ever since that day at the Crabshack, things seemed to be going back to normal for Seth and Summer. Well, at least Seth thought so. He was lying on his back on his bed. It was a nice day outside like always and the window was open letting in the warm ocean breeze. Seth sighed as it blow over him and closed his eyes relaxing. His silver cell-phone lay on the pillow near his head. He tapped his foot along to the beat of music. Summer said she was going to call him on this lazy Saturday afternoon, he wasn't sure what they were gonna do, probably just go to the beach and he could be tortured as Summer rubbed on her sunscreen. Seth smiled as the mental image...his thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of his phone. 

"Uh, hello.." He said has he sat up quickly.

"Hey, Cohen look I can't hang out til later k?" Summer's chirpy voice could be heard on the other line. "Yeah, I am really sorry I..um suppose to go hang out with Coop. Apparently now that Juile is back in town they had another argument. Well, she is my best-friend and I don't want to leave her hanging...is that okay?"

"Yeah, sure man just call me when you are done, I guess." Seth's face fell with disappointment but he managed to sound okay on the phone, well at least he tried to.

"I promise I will call you later," her voice got a little softer as she reassured him.

Seth felt slightly embarrassed that she could tell he was so insecure, "It's okay, really I will just talk to you later. Have fun with Marissa and steer clear of my step-grandma I heard she can be a real bitch. I don't want to have to send the police out looking for you."

After hanging up the phone Seth rolled over on his bed and stood up slowly and stretched. He yawned and rubbed a hand through his unruly hair. _I think it might be a good time for some Ryan-Seth time. _He smiled as he headed out to the pool house.

"Ry, you in there?" Seth said has he knocked on the door but true to Cohen family form just opened the door anyways and proceeded to walk straight in.

"Oh, gosh nooo, really guys that is so not necessary," Seth gagged as he beheld a nearly naked Ryan and Marissa ontop the bed. He turned and shut the door.

"Okay, so I am gonna just talk through the door now. Um, since when were you guys back together. Did I miss the memo about this. I mean does anyone else know. I thought that you guys were just friends, especially with everything that has happened. Not that I am not happy for you. I mean you are happy right? Cause if you aren't then don't say that I did not tell you so...Guys, um...wait Marissa what are you doing here? I thought you were hanging out with Summer?" Seth stopped his rambling and a confused look come over his face. _Oh, no this can not be good. First I have to witness the Ryan and Marissa thing and now...Summer lying to me? I mean maybe she just meant that Marissa and her were hanging out after her and Ryan had sex in the pool house. Or maybe she just meant that they are hanging out just not till later. I don't know, this could be bad..._ The anixous thoughts fluttered through his brain as Marissa come out of the pool house dressed now, followed by a wifebeater clad Ryan.

"Um..hey Seth," Marissa said sheeplishly as she refused to meet his eyes. "Um, so like don't tell anyone k, cause no one else knows yet and we kinda wanted it to be a surprise. I mean you know annouce it kinda like at that party your mom is having this weekend. "

"Yeah, Seth please don't tell anyone," Ryan cut in. "I mean it bro."

"Yeah sure man, I won't tell a single soul. I mean I did not see anything, I don't know what you are even talking about."

"What do you ever know, son?" Sandy cut in has he came up behind them unannounced.

"Um, nothing Dad you know I just get like confused a lot and I start to think things that are not true and stuff, so I mean I don't know...I am gonna go back inside now," Seth trailed off as he turned and started back to the house.

"Okay, but hey I just came out here to tell you that I brought home some Thai food," Sandy said has he raised his eyebrows at Ryan and Marissa. Ryan gave him an uneasy smile and Marissa just shrugged.

"Food sounds great now, actually...if you don't mind," She bit her lip as she looked at Sandy questioningly. "You know my mom is just got back and we know she won't cook dinner."

"Yeah, you are welcome here anytime Marissa and you know it," Mr. Cohen smiled as he headed back inside. "I will just let you kids get refreshed...you look a little flushed." Ryan and Marissa's faces grew a nice shade of red at Mr. Cohen's knowning look.

After dinner Marissa stayed and played or should we say attempted to play a few PS2 games with Ryan and Seth. They were all laughing and having fun. Seth however, noticed that time was going by fast and Marissa had not said anything about going to hang out with Summer. He was starting to get worried. So he decided to do what he did best and talk.

"So, Marissa isn't getting kinda late," he began. "You know, don't you have someplace you have to be tonight. Like at home or somethimg. Or maybe you should be at South Coast Plaza."

"What are you talking about Seth?" Marissa said as she gave him a weird look. "Where else would I be, my mom is probably home and I don't want to be around her you know that. And Summer is busy doing something."

"Oh...okay then, just go ahead and stay," he replied trying not to let in on his sudden need to go vomit.

"Okay, thanks Seth for your permission," Marissa said in best little girl voice before reaching over and hitting him on the back of the head.

"Um, guys I think I am gonna go inside and read or watch some tv or something now, I want you guys to be able to mack each other without me having to watch," Seth said as he stood up and faked a yawn. Ryan gave him a look but he chose to ignore it, but simply turning and walking out of the pool house. _I can't believe it, Summer lied to me. She lied to me. _He felt the sudden fear of being alone again. He recalled all the lonely nights in Portland. _Not this again, please not this again. _

Meanwhile...

Summer sighed as she went up to her vanity and checked her makeup again. She grabbed her purse and keys off the bed and headed out. Her face broke out into a hesitant smile as she opened the front door.

"Thanks for coming, I owe you one," she said with a stronger smile now to the person at the other side of the door.

"No, problem I mean we are friends aren't we," the person said with a smile. They walked over and opened the door of the black BMW SUV.

"After you Summer," Zach said with a smile before closing the door as she got into the car.


	6. Chapter 6

_AN: Thanks for the great reviews guys! It really means a lot to me that you read my story and take the time to leave me some feedback. Well I honestly have not planned this story out so... I don't even know how this chapter is gonna end. :shrug: Hope you enjoy!_

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_The black SUV pulled up the small store. The man driving the car got out and walked around the other side and opened the door for the women passenger. Further noting that gentlemen can still be found in the world. Hard to believe at times, yes but there is hope out there. The couple walked inside the store, from an outsider's perspective the women looked out of place and overdressed in her summer dress and high heels. One would wonder why they were at this some comic book store.

"So, who are we meeting here?" The women looked at her male companion with a questioning look.

"This guy who wants to publish the our drawings wants to met here," The man replied. "This is one of the oldest comic book shops around. It..it is like a legecy. So that's why we are here."

"Alright," she women sighed as she looked around at the quaint decor. All around her were rows and rows of comic books..errr I mean graphic novels. She rubbed her arms as she felt a slight chill going up her arms.

"Hey, Zach," a voice cut in from the back as a middle-age man walked forward towards them. "I am so glad that you could come. Should we go to a place where we can all sit down? I know this great coffee shop that is not too far away from where we are. Is that okay?"

"Sounds, great," Zach smiled and looked over at Summer who smiled back at him.

_break>_

"Seth, get up I need you to help set up for the party," the scary voice pentrated the pleasant dream that he was having. "NOW, Seth!" _Gee, whiz can't a guy just have a time to just fucking dream anymore. Plus a Newport party is the last fucking place I would want to be cause...Summer would be there. Oh gosh, I can't think about her right now. _"I am up, Mom, damn Mom...I am up," the sleepy young man hollared back.

"What your language son," the mother reprimended.

"Mooooommm..." the boy whined it's not like you haven't said it yourself.

"So, I am your mother so you listen to me. Now go take a shower and met me downstairs in the kitchen in 20 mins. Go now!"

_25 ish minutes later ..._

"I am here to help!" Seth said with fake cheeriness in his voice.

"Great honey, now go help Ryan with setting up the tables and chairs up on on the patio," Kirsten Cohen said ignoring her son's sarcasm.

Seth huffed a bit as he picked up what seemed to be the heaviest chair of them all. Of course his mom would hand him that one, knowing he was weak. "Hey, bro," the lad called out at the sight of his more muscular fellow chair lifter. "So, Ryan you know what party we are doing all this heavy lifting for...or at least I am doing the heavy lifting, oh man, how can you hold that table with one arm, what...that is so not far. But then again you know heavy lifting is defintely more your forte than mine..."

"I don't know why we are having the party," the quiet boy answered. He continued to walk around the patio and set up the table.

"Oh, well I can't wait I am sure it is gonna be fun to see Summer there now that she lied to me," the talkative boy complained. "I mean why would she lie to me? I just don't get it. I thought that we were okay again. I mean do you...do you think she will break up with me again? What do you think man?"

"I think things will work out in the end, cause they always do," Ryan said slowly. "Don't worry about it man, I mean I am not the biggest fan of Summer but I don't think she would cheat on you. For some reason I don't think she does stuff like that."

"Okay, man," Seth said for once not rambling or arguing. "I guess we will just have to wait and see at the party."

_AN: Here is a short little chapter for you, I will have to think some more about the next chapter which will contain the party...oh the anticipation. I can barely contain myself. Please keep reading thanks_!


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